Posted by: distributorcap | November 4, 2007

The Magic 8 ball of Richard Bruce Cheney

We all know Dick Cheney is the bestest Vice President ever. His care and concern for America, the people and most importantly the rule of law and the Constitution is beyond reproach. We are SO lucky to have had Dick Cheney as our esteemed Vice President for the past 6 years and 10 months. I am SO sad he has decided not throw his hat into the ring for ’08. Dick Cheney we salute you, America will miss your keen ability to predict the future of our country.

Little did we know when we got Dick, we got some sort of modern day Nostradamus. Dick Cheney is a man who never threw away his Magic 8-ball toy and found great use for it as a adult. You remember the toy you asked a question to, turned upside down and it gave you an answer.

But is seems Dick has been a bit off his game since assuming the Vice Presidency. That this 8 ball may have given some inaccurate predictions. Or perhaps even a child’s toy can’t compete with the pure 29 degree cold water (or rather venom) that runs through his veins.

“The Iraqi regime has in fact been very busy enhancing its capabilities in the field of chemical and biological agents. And they continue to pursue the nuclear program they began so many years ago. These are not weapons for the purpose of defending Iraq; these are offensive weapons for the purpose of inflicting death on a massive scale, developed so that Saddam can hold the threat over the head of anyone he chooses, in his own region or beyond.”

…..(more diarrhea and garbage from his mouth)

“Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction. There is no doubt he is amassing them to use against our friends, against our allies, and against us. And there is no doubt that his aggressive regional ambitions will lead him into future confrontations with his neighbors — confrontations that will involve both the weapons he has today, and the ones he will continue to develop with his oil wealth.”

….(more crap from a crap person)

Regime change in Iraq would bring about a number of benefits to the region. When the gravest of threats are eliminated, the freedom-loving peoples of the region will have a chance to promote the values that can bring lasting peace. As for the reaction of the Arab “street,” the Middle East expert Professor Fouad Ajami predicts that after liberation, the streets in Basra and Baghdad are “sure to erupt in joy in the same way the throngs in Kabul greeted the Americans.” Extremists in the region would have to rethink their strategy of Jihad. Moderates throughout the region would take heart. And our ability to advance the Israeli-Palestinian peace process would be enhanced, just as it was following the liberation of Kuwait in 1991.

Cheney Speaks at VFW 103rd National Convention 8/26/02

“He’s [Saddam] had years to get good at it and we know he has been absolutely devoted to trying to acquire nuclear weapons. And we believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons”

Cheney on Meet The Press March 2003

“And what we’ve seen recently that has raised our level of concern to the current state of unrest … is that he now is trying, through his illicit procurement network, to acquire the equipment he needs to be able to enrich uranium — specifically, aluminum tubes”

Cheney on Meet The Press September 2002

“…the fight would be weeks rather than months. There’s always the possibility of complications that you can’t anticipate, but I have great confidence in our troops. The fight would go relatively quickly, but we can’t count on that.

Cheney on Face The Nation March 16, 2003

“I think things have gotten so bad inside Iraq, from the standpoint of the Iraqi people, my belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators. The regular Iraqi soldiers would not put up such a struggle, and that even significant elements of the Republican Guard are likely to step aside. Asked if Americans are prepared for a “long, costly and bloody battle,” Cheney replied: “Well, I don’t think it’s likely to unfold that way. . . . The read we get on the people of Iraq is there is no question but what they want to the get rid of Saddam Hussein, and they will welcome as liberators the United States when we come to do that.”

Cheney on Meet The Press March 16, 2003

“I think we may well have some kind of presence there over a period of time,” Cheney said. “The level of activity that we see today from a military standpoint, I think, will clearly decline. I think they’re in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency.”

Cheney on Larry King June 20, 2005

“We will retain control of both houses,”

Cheney interview on Air Force Two October 5, 2006

Never has one American politican been so consistently
a) wrong
b) evil
c) arrogant
all the same time — and never has one American politican (with help from a bumbling idiot as his Charlie McCarthy-like boss) unleashed so much damage on the country and its institutions.

Thanks to Dick Cheney’s magic 8-ball — it is 4 years 8 months later in Iraq — there are nearly 4,000 dead American soldiers, we have countless (read probably hundreds of thousands) Iraqi deaths, a country and its infrastructure destroyed, a world teetering and a American Constitution used to wipe poo.

So Richard Bruce Cheney, as the Munchkin said to Dorothy…
“We thank you very sweetly for doing it so neatly.”

May whatever is left of your pathetic life be as joyful’s as the Wicked Witch of the East

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