Posted by: distributorcap | January 27, 2008

The Bitch is Back

I don’t know how I missed this one. Shame on me! We all know how much I love the Bushwomen. H/T to my pal Tengrain at Mock, Paper, Scissors for pointing me to it.

I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch
Oh, the bitch is back
Stone cold sober as a matter of fact
I can bitch, I can bitch
‘Cause I’m better than you
It’s the way that I move
The things that I do

Babs the Impaler™ is at it again. The old hag with cobwebs you know where seemed to have disappeared for awhile. But lucky for us, the creature has reappeared to populate another chapter Bartlett’s Quotes from Idiots. Let’s take a quick look at some of Babs’ new gems, and few a golden oldies thrown in for Old Times Sake.

Former First Bitch, Babs the Impaler™ was interviewed in front of an audience of nearly 300 brain dead idiots (who actually wasted their time listening to her inanities) by Allen Weinstein, Archivist of the United States, as part of the American Conversations series at the National Archives in Washington

On Jenna Bush’s bridal shower and friendship: “Family and friends and faith are the most important things in your life and you should be building friendships. At our house now, the White House at this moment, Jenna has 10 girls at the house … because we’re having a shower for her tomorrow.”

Babs, any mention of those showers your father-in-law Prescott helped finance for his pal Adolf? And what about those bimbo granddaughters of yours? Too busy partying it up in Buenos Aires to be bothered going to Iraq and supporting the illegal and immoral war their father (whom Jenna said “was doing a terrific” job to Diane Sawyer) launched to restore your idiot husband’s name.

“She’s a perfect example … they’re going to be friends for life. Value your friendship. Value your relationships.”

Oh should the people of New Orleans value the new friendships they made with the people they met waiting in line for the bathroom — while they camped out in the Astrodome? “And so many of the people in the arena [Astromdome] here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this–this is working very well for them.” When life hands you lemons (or a hurricane), live in a stadium, make a friend – that is the Babs way!

On the difference between being wife of President George H.W. Bush and mother of President George W. McDoodypants: “It hurts far more to hear criticism of your son than of your husband, it hurts much more if your son’s president. My husband … he’s in agony half the time.”

Oh too bad Babs, what about the innocent Iraqi civilians hiding in cellars and afraid to go to the markets – no agony for them huh, but plenty for your men? Or the people still displaced by Katrina – life is a bowl of cherries for them of course! And the poor, poor Georgies in your life, they just can’t take the heat for being two of the biggest douchebags to ever lead a nation.

“You hear people say things that are untrue and unfair. It really hurts. George W. doesn’t watch the press. He’ll call us … (and say) ‘I hear the TV, turn it off.'”

Oh yea, you know what hurts — losing your home while the chairman of a near-bankrupt mortgage company walks away with $100 million. Or sending your child to Iraq, and not knowing if he/she is coming back – that hurts a lot. When a 61-year old sociopath calls his mommy to cry about people saying mean things, that isn’t hurt, it’s immaturity. You know what else hurts — that same 61 year old sociopath lied over 200 times to the American people about Iraq. He commuted Scooter Libby’s after he was convicted for lying. He LAUGHED when Karla Faye Tucker was about the be executed. His undying support for Alberto Gonzalez’ dismantling of the Justice Dept. Those all hurt. And why would you Babs have to turn the TV off? — I would assume you only watch Fox News. If memory serves me correctly, they haven’t said one hurtful (or truthful) thing about your W in over 7 years.

On her husband: “He does a lot of things, although he just had a back operation and he’s recuperating. I used to always say I wanted more quality time with him — not any more.”

I don’t think you have to worry — you will never find quality and Bush in the same paragraph or the same room. You also will never find compassion, intelligence, warmth, generosity, humility or humanity.

On his [HW’s] parachuting hobby: “It’s a joy for him and he loves doing it.”

How about those boys in Iraq, fighting your husband’s mismanaged and illegal war. Several thousand have been parachuting and hundreds of thousands have been dodging bullets – and I am positive they do not love doing it.

But why should we hear about body bags and deaths and how many, what day it’s going to happen, and how many this or what do you suppose? Oh, I mean, it’s, not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?

No we wouldn’t want you to waste that beautiful mind. But the wasted lives in Iraq, well you will think about that tomorrow.

On Tony Blair: “I like Tony Blair very, very much, and I think he suffered a lot because of his support of the United Sates, but till this day he feels he did the right thing and I think he did too.”

No Babs, Tony suffered a lot because of his support of your son.

On being a first lady: “The White House is so staffed with loving, caring people, and if you’re lucky you have a great staff yourself and your husband does. … You try to do something every single day that will help an American or maybe someone overseas.”

Yes and I suppose you let the staff eat cake too. How about those Iraqis who are overseas? Care to help them, I guess not.

On her daughter-in-law: “I love the way Laura has gone to and has gone to help women in Pakistan and all over the world … And she’s wise enough to do that.”

But of course your murderess daughter-in-law says SUCH wise things about people with Parkinson’s. During the 2006 mid-term elections, Laura Bush belittled actor Michael J. Fox, a proponent of stem cell research and victim (along with 1.5 million Americans) of Parkinson’s disease. Of his advocacy efforts, Mrs. Bush sneered, “It’s always easy to manipulate people’s feelings. Silly me — it took me this long to see what a help she is!

When asked what about her husband first caught her eye: “He was the most beautiful creature I ever saw. She also said “I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up.”

So does your husband.

On her son: “I’m very, very proud of him and he’s the most disciplined person I know. I got there yesterday afternoon, … we had dinner with friends and then he went to bed early and he was up and gone by the time I got up at 8 o’clock.”

Disciplined – okay I will give him that. Picks up brush like no one, chokes on pretzels, can’t open doors, massages Prime Ministers, hires incompetent sycophants, asks if Brazil has black people, and refuses to go to one funeral of a fallen soldier. Yep he is disciplined. And we are SO proud of him too. In fact, things are going so swimmingly well economically right now, the collective American populace is going to ask him to stay a third term — to make up for Poppy’s little “no new taxes” slip.

On former leaders in other countries: “We treat our former presidents much better than other countries. Half of them kill them. The other half put them in jail. … It’s astonishing to me, the British, the day of the election, they’re out and they don’t have help. They’re just gone. … We’re so generous in our country.”

Now this may be the most laughable thing I have heard in awhile. I think the former President of Iraq was killed by, um, a US invasion. And the former Prime Minister of Pakistan was killed when, um, your son’s Secretary of State encouraged her to go back. And about that help after he leaves office. I guess all of America should save their $600 rebate checks to help your son when he is out – after all we are SO generous to criminal ex-presidents in this country.

On her father: “He was the most honorable man I’ve ever met except for my husband. He never hurt people, he had no dark side. He was just a wonderful man.”

He contributed half the chromosomes in creating you. Which in turn meant on July 6, 1946 you spawned the jackal that sits in the White House now. Your father was not so wonderful. Those genes inevitably led to someone who does hurt people.

On why she focused on literacy programs during her years in the White House: “I decided I ought to pick a project that would not be controversial, that would not really cost the government a lot of money.”

Let’s rename her Babs the Bargain-Hunter. Unlike your son’s foray into literacy — the raping of the treasury after reading My Pet Goat, your project was truly a bargain.

Maybe you should have picked this project instead.


“I just decided if everybody could read write and comprehend, so many our problems … could be solved. … Thirty percent of our children drop out of high school. … It’s terrible.”

Yes Babs, if your son could read, write and comprehend maybe he wouldn’t fuck up everything he touches. Including this country.

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Responses

  1. The arrogance of Barbara Bush is beyond the pale of her pearls.

  2. I’m glad I could point you to Babs’ latest excrescence. She’s like the herpes of GOP politics.Regards,Tengrain

  3. Ony she could have produced/created a George Bush!Well because of the Bush family W. had a lot to do with this production/creation of Bush’s.

  4. But why should we hear about body bags and deaths and how many, what day it’s going to happen, and how many this or what do you suppose? Oh, I mean, it’s, not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?That was too much, even for her, I thought you were making that one up at first. It’s just hard to fathom that coming out of anyone’s mouth. I’m going to go puke in a fancy doily now. This one left me speechless. That’s hard to do.Good post.

  5. DCap – I am not surprised by any of any of these Babs quotes. However, one has to wonder why is she being so ballsy about it now? I mean these quotes are so out there and in your face, one has to if the word “hubris” is a sufficient description.

  6. Babs’ worst crime stands head and shoulders above the rest. She did not practice what she preaches: abstinence. Geez… what do you say to Hitler’s mother?

  7. That old broad has lived for centuries. I swear they keep her alive via necromancy.The day she finally dies, there will be an earthquake, a tsumani and a comet will strike the earth.Beware the Bush women.

  8. With all this material, those Democratic ads better be better than Super Bowl ads this coming Summer!

  9. Regarding agony, like my dad, the old China Marine would say….”Someone PLEASE put them out of their agony.” (or you can use the word misery)Horrible family, horrible people.Great post, you had us in stitches once again. Please get a radio show, fast.

  10. If hearing W being criticized is so agonizing, then why is she still alive? That said, interesting that she talked about her daddy, but didn’t mention mommy. Apparently Babs didn’t go to her own mother’s funeral because her mother was an abusive bitch. Apple, tree.

  11. Damn. I knew she was a dilettante and a bitch, but seeing all of this together is really, well… nauseating. Nice snark, DCNY!

  12. I actually watched some of this on C-span. It was all I could do to keep from throwing something at my tv. She is a total asshole. No wonder her kids are crooks and losers.

  13. Are you saying you don’t like Babs? Oh, that thought hurts my beautiful mind.

  14. Are you saying you don’t like Babs? Oh, that thought hurts my beautiful mind.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one!

  15. Wow. That woman’s brain is like a bomb that just keeps on exploding, over and over, nuking logic, good taste, intelligence, and all that is good in this world. She is human mustard gas.My favorite part: “My husband … he’s in agony half the time.” Yeah, Babs? Well the rest of the world is in agony ALL THE FUCKING TIME thanks to your idiot son. Wrap your “beautiful mind” around that, why don’t you?

  16. You stole my post title!!!

  17. Oh, and awesome blog, this is getting sent to a bunch of my friends and fam.

  18. “Yes Babs, if your son could read, write and comprehend maybe he wouldn’t fuck up everything he touches. Including this country.”And now he wants to fix his fuck ups by giving his buddies even more tax cuts. You and me, we’ll be lucky if we get a future worth living in.

  19. Great post, DCap. Your comments on her quotes were right on target.

  20. When Obama spoke here on Sunday afternoon, the loudest cheers were when he said, I have the pleasure of announcing to you all that the name George W. Bush will not be on the ballot this time.No Bush. No Bush. Indeed.

  21. Like mother, like son, like granddaughters. I DISlike them all, but I would never have the ambition or talent that you display in this awesome post.


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