Posted by: distributorcap | April 10, 2008

Emily Litella explains it all for you…..

Dcap: Distributorcap recognizes its obligation to present responsible opposing viewpoints to our editorials. Here to reply to a recent editorial, is Emily Litella.

Emily Litella: What’s all this fuss about making Candy Rice the Vice-President? How can we have Candy Rice as Vice-President? After 8 years of having a Bush in the White House with a Dick at his side do we really want another porn star as Vice-President? Doesn’t the current Dick in the administration have a wife who wrote a lesbian novel? Besides what is Candy Rice? Is that something you throw at the Oompah-Loompahs? And how does one even make Candy Rice? Do you just throw sugar in Rice Crocker? Isn’t Rice Crocker the delusional and lying American Ambassador to Iraq? Or is Rice Candy spun (like everything else in this administration) in a Cotton Candy Rice spinner? Or is Candy Rice just another pair of shoes. And Rice… isn’t that the San Francisco treat? Does that mean she is like the Olympic Torch – a focal point of protest and anger?

DCap: Ms. Litella, that’s Condi Rice. Condi. Not Candy.

Emily Litella: Oh. I’m sorry. Never mind. She still sucks anyway.

What is with the freaking media’s love affair with Condi? What is with a good chunk of the American populace spewing this admiration and worship of Condi? One thing you can say about Condi is that she is a complete and total failure as Secretary of State. She has accomplished nothing. nada. nichts. τίποτα. ничего. rien. □什麼. But the media continues to think she is the greatest thing since buckles on shoes.

She has misled the American people on just about everything. She has helped the Bush administration cover up their lies about Iraq. She stumps around the planet giving good photo ops but, as Donald Trump says “she has never closed a deal.” She uses her skills as an articulate and bright speaker to push the failed Bush agenda.

So tell me what the eff is there so accomplished about this Bush lackey? Where is the peace in the Middle East she keeps talking about? Where is the moderating voice she is so famous for having? Where is the famous brain that is so adept at analyzing. What has she offered other than Bush talking points? If there ever was a Bush sycophant, Condi is the poster child for one.

And now this poll (then again you all know my feeling about how the media misuses and abuses poll data, but what the hell):

According to a Marist College poll

In New York (one of the bluest of blue states) a McCain/Rice ticket would edge out both a Clinton/Obama or Obama/Clinton ticket for New York’s 31 electoral votes:

Based on registered voters in New York State:

49% support a John McCain/Condoleezza Rice ticket
46% support Hillary Clinton as president and Barack Obama as vice president.

49% support a John McCain/Condoleezza Rice ticket
44% support Obama/Clinton

(and both contests show around 25% of Democrats would support McCain/Princess Ferragamo)

Now you can see why I continue to say that polls, especially this early on are misleading, irresponsible and ridiculous.

The Peter Principle: In a Hierarchy Every Employee Tends to Rise to Her Level of Incompetence. As lousy as she is as Secretary of State, she will give new meaning to the Peter Principle as Vice President.


  1. She makes me fucking sick.

  2. Frankly, I’m baffled. Do you personally know anybody who would vote for a McCain/Rice ticket?I know Republicans who are looking at Obama because they can’t decide if they loathe Hillary or McCain more.

  3. I think that McCain/Rice is a match made in heaven. He was a victim of war crimes who has no problem condoning torture. She commits war crimes and enjoys torture. Let the fun begin!

  4. Yes, I agree with Suzi, they are a kinky ticket.But seriously, I read that Democrats were outnumbering Republicans at the polls 2 to 1 (and that was before Limbaugh’s call for Dems to vote for Hillary.) Doesn’t that add up to twice as much support in November. Isn’t this the trend? I am taking Applied Statistics right now and we have had a number of discussions about how news agencies distort data, really against any textbook definition of accuracy.

  5. Well, at least we know she doesn’t plan to be the VP nominee, she just has a series of actionable items leading toward that outcome…

  6. I am suffering from campaign overload. My head might explode like one of those dudes in the movie Scanners.

  7. I was shopping for shoes, and somehow I got here. Can anyone explain this to me?

  8. Isn’t Condi taller than McLame? She could then walk point when she and John went to Florida.

  9. Candy suffers from that malady that has fatally stricken The Maverick®: teflonitis. For all of her associations with neocons, she has escaped relatively unscathed. I figured adding Rice to a plate of John Sidney could only help the goopers, but now that you pointed out how well that ticket is doing in Noo Yawk (yes, it’s early), I’m going to start drinking now.FB, you know damn well you cannot apply reality to the bizzaro world of the American electorate. They’re as sharp as the characters in you awesome redneck stories.

  10. It’s very simple, the GOP figure if they put a black woman on the ticket it would off set the possibility of a black candidate OR a woman on the Dem ticket. It’s nothing more than gender/race. Like it or not, the GOP and the Independents who lean Republican love Condi and don’t think of her as a failure. With her on the ticket, many think she can steer McCain in the “right” direction. They also hope to win back some of that black and women vote. John McCain is working hard to connect with women, just look at his appearance on “The View”. As much as I hate Condi Rice, I think they are making a smart decision if that is their plan. They can’t get Colin Powell, she’s the next best thing in their minds. They know they won’t get the hardcore Dems to turn their way, but they just may snag those Independents…or Hillary supporters that won’t vote Obama. Face it, our party is split and this may be all the GOP needs to grab hold of the Oval Office again.On the other hand…not too sure Condi wants to be a part of that ticket. Unless she is assured she will be able to control McCain like Cheney controlled Bush, she just may pursue work in the private sector and make tons of money. I still say that McCain will ask Lieberman to be on his ticket. He hasn’t been joined at the hip with that old coot, McCain, all these months for nothing. Maybe they think they could secure the Jewish vote with him on the ticket. Certainly they will win FL if their votes aren’t counted in the primary. You can thank Howard Dean for losing FL and MI with that stupid little move of his. Mark my words….BIG mistake!

  11. America loves Condi for the same reason they love Jodie Foster. Closet lesbians are cool!

  12. Oh Zip, PLEASE don’t put my Jodie in the same closet as Condi– ick!She makes me physically ill. We can only hope that this info about her and her buds approving individual acts of torture will actually be covered in detail by the MSM, and that the Amurkan public will realize that these people are CRIMINALS.

  13. The media is framing this issue like everything else since they are profiters of war it’s in their best interest to do so. The polls are only a ploy to change gradually the perception of what the reality is.I think that in the end the chances of having a Dem in the big house is 40/60.

  14. Emily Litella was a nice touch!I also can’t figure out the current Condi love-fest. She wears nice shoes, and that’s the only nice thing I can really say.

  15. If only you could see me at my cubicle right now, standing and applauding a Dcap post once again. You go, boy!

  16. LOVED your Emily Litella bit!I find picking Rice for Veep just as offensive and condescending as when they picked Quayle on the theory (and this was the real theory) that he would appeal to women because he was (allegedly) handsome.

  17. Good – Let her play the Dick role to Maverick, babysitting him on behalf of Big Oil. Then we can talk about her record of sterling achievements over the last 8 years, as a prologue to November.After that 30 seconds is up, we can talk about the reasons why she belongs in a prison cell along with the rest of the Bush administration. That list might take a little longer to enumerate – Have a happy, Condi!;>)

  18. No fucking way that hardcore rightwing republicans are going to vote for McCain/Rice. McCain could go at any time and if those people are uncomfortable voting for Obama because he is mixed race, how are they going to feel about voting for Condi? These polls are bullshit (but you know that, DCap).

  19. ditto what Mary Ellen said.

  20. She was an essential ingredient in the series of foreign policy fiascoes, up to and including the war. We’ve managed to reignite the Cold War, burn off every last bit of sympathy the world had after 9/11, etc. The more McTwit opens his mouth, the more idiotic he sounds. He obviously can’t find his foreign policy ass with both hands. And he’s admitted his own lack of knowledge of economics. And of course those are going to be the two areas in need of fast and drastic remediation in the next 4-8 years. A McCain/Rice candidacy might end up being a Demcratic dream come true.

  21. yep she has been the “teflon” SOT, alright. She doesn’t attract as much attention as Cheney and some of the others because she’s soft spoked and not abrasive. She would continue the Bush doctrine for sure as a VP.I think the polls are stupid though anyway!

  22. Last night Bill Mahar did a nice job of analyzing Condi’s chances.She’s a neo-con, Walnuts McCain is not. She helped plan the torture, he said he was against torture (even though he voted for it).—McCain is old enough to remember when “negroes had their place.”He voted against the MLK holiday.He called his own wife a cunt.So, it looks to me like he’s not a big fan of Blacks OR women.There is no way in hell McCain is going to select a Black lesbian female to be his running mate.

  23. That ticket would win because of the immense ignorance of most of the public. No one realizes McCain isn’t the independent thinking pleasant guy they think he is, and that Condi is a warmonger. I’ve never understood her appeal, frankly. Even personality-wise – she always looks angry and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile.

  24. Dude, you ruined that Candies ad for me. I’ll never forgive you.

  25. Emily Litella? Nice way of repackaging old news.

  26. You know, something has always bothered me about Condi Rice, something I could never quite put my finger on. Until now, thanks to that picture of her on the can.She’s always given me the impression that she’s constipated, or, conversely, just on the verge of ripping a really huge fart but is holding it in. At great cost.

  27. Eek!

  28. Good one Dcap.

  29. “What is with the freaking media’s love affair with Condi?”I’m amazed that your usual great insight failed you this time. As with Oablhama, the reason’s written right on her skin!

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