Posted by: distributorcap | June 24, 2008

Crude, Snake Oil and Cocaine

Saudi Arabia and other oil producing nations held an ’emergency’ meeting this past weekend to deal with a looming crisis from rising oil prices. The Saudis committed to produced 200,000 more barrels day (which is a 2% increase) to help stabilize volatility in the market and level off the price of crude. Guess what – US light, sweet crude for August delivery increased by $1.38 a barrel to settle at $136.74 while London Brent crude was up $0.99 at $136.24 a barrel.

The only crisis Saudi Arabia is afraid of is the crisis of more American windmills and solar panels.

Every sane person on earth (of which President Doodypants is not a member) knew this meeting was a joke. First of all, the power of pricing has slipped out of America’s hands and even out of OPEC’s – to the cash-rich and oil-thirsty tiger economies of Asia, especially China and India. We have to face facts, demand is rising much faster than supply. Petroleum is fungible and non-renewable. IT WILL RUN out one day – or before that happens it will become way too expensive to extract. Only it is becoming more apparent that the booming economies in emergent nations are making the wells run dry much faster and the extraction as painful as a tooth with an abscess.

The world has seen oil rise from $28 in January 2001 (when President Beesized-dick took office), to $68 in June 2007 – to almost $140 today. The American people sure haven’t gotten rich from that increase — but Exxon has, Chevron has, Halliburton has, Dick Cheney has and so has Dubai – (as witnessed by the 2800′ building soaring up the skyline). Most of that $140 for each of the 13 million barrels we import goes RIGHT into the coffers of nations Bush and Cheney have told us to be very fearful of – Iran and Venezuela or to support people we are supposed to be afraid of – Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Algeria, Qatar etc. The logic defies all intelligence.

Oil is not just gasoline — it is plastics, pharmaceuticals, jet fuel, lubricants, manufacturing processes and about 4,000,00 other uses. While we will not run out in the next decade – we will run out, sooner than we think. Those oil wells, like coca plants, are being cut down faster and faster.

So what does the very intelligent and caring leader of the free world do to alleviate this problem – he tells us to get MORE oil. Thomas Friedman (whom I really do not like, but this column was a good one) said in his op-ed yesterday:

It’s as if our addict-in-chief is saying to us: “C’mon guys, you know you want a little more of the good stuff. One more hit, baby. Just one more toke on the ole oil pipe. I promise, next year, we’ll all go straight. I’ll even put a wind turbine on my presidential library. But for now, give me one more pop from that drill, please, baby. Just one more transfusion of that sweet offshore crude.”

It is hard for me to find the words to express what a massive, fraudulent, pathetic excuse for an energy policy this is. But it gets better. The president actually had the gall to set a deadline for this drug deal.

For once (unlike his cheerleading of the war in the beginning) Friedman get right. The Piece-of-Shit in the White House is telling us the best way to get off of this stuff is to get off on this stuff. Problem is — try and doing anything while high on cocaine. It feels good for the moment, but you just need more and more to get higher and higher. Eventually it is all gone and you are foreced to go back to the dealer – and now a gram is 10% more.

Many people have been writing about this all week — the Insane one – John McCain – says we should now open our coasts and wildlife reserves to oil drilling — because that will bring the price of gas down. {applause, applause from brain dead republicans supporting McSame}. There is nothing like a good line from an idiot republican to take people to an altered state. Only in this case, McIdiot’s line is another line of white powder.

We all know what he called his wife in public. He is now basically calling many of us the same thing because we refuse to believe his bullshit about offshore drilling. Charlie Crist, who can’t suck off McCain fast enough in his quest to become McSame’s Veep choice, reversed his position of less than one month ago and now endorses drilling off the coast of Florida. (As a side note, I heard some pundit say that Crist was about to become engaged – timing is everything when you want to be considered for VP choice. Charlie, the rumors will only get more intensified).

It gets worse.

First – from CNN:

Oil companies and many lawmakers are pressing to open up more U.S. areas for drilling. But the industry is drilling on just a fraction of areas it already has access to.

Of the 90 million offshore acres the industry has leases to, mostly in the Gulf of Mexico, it is estimated that upwards of 70 million are not producing oil, according to both Democrats and oil-industry sources.

Yep — let’s open up more land for drilling, when 77% of the land already open is not being utilized. Sounds like a Ponzi scheme to me.

Second – you just don’t take a rowboat out to the Gulf and drop a line with a drill – and poof, just like Jed Clampett — you have black gold, Texas-T (like the Texas THC our Idiot-in-Chief has smoked too much of). You have to get a special drill ship that can drill at the depths required to get to this “dollar-saving elixir.”

Problem is there are very few of these rigs around — they are ALL solidly booked for 5 years. You think Exxon should just go buy one of these drill ships — well they cost $500 million each and take 5 years to build. And the ship builders (NONE of which are American of course, we gave that industry up years ago) have back orders for several years from places like Brazil, India etc. So even if we opened up the coast of Florida for drilling you wouldn’t get a rig there for 4-5 years at best. At best there would be a trickle of petroleum entering the the US market from offshore rigs in 2014. By then oil will be $220 a barrel and I guess if this Florida oil can get the price down to $219, Chimpy and McDouchebag can say they told us so.

Oh throw in the fact there is a shortage of petroleum engineers, high insurance requirements, and competition all over the world — and you can bet Laura Bush’s driver’s license this oil would not make one damn bit of difference in the price. And it would only serve to make our addiction more prolonged and harder to break.

Of course oil rigs are dangerous and not very good for the environment. McFossilteeth says they are very safe today — that rigs withstood Katrina. Tell the dead birds, whales and dolphins who happened to be swimming by Santa Barbara in 1969 how safe oil rigs are. Yes it is 39 years later and technology has improved. But disposing of waste and unforseen accidents have not disappeared. Tell the dead oil workers on the North Sea now destroyed oil rigs how safe they have become.

And then there is ANWR – the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge. Which might have 16 billion barrels of oil, which more likely has 8 billion barrels. Again, the best time frame for production and distribution would be 5 years. And it would probably be cheaper for Exxon to sell that oil to China since it is an easy shipping route, rather than get it back to the freezing Americans on the East Coast who have long given up trying to even buy heating oil. And what is a few caribou, geese and polar bears to us. We need to get to work on a dying planet.

Right wing blowhards continue to harp on how important it is to increase production to lower prices. Scary thing — I think it is working. Americans love short term fixes, just like the high cocaine gives you. We never, ever look at some short term sacrifices with the hope (or promise) of long term solutions. Wall Street doesn’t allow it. The problem is the person selling this cocaine to us is just that same old lying snake oil salesman still looking for those WMDs.

Special thanks to The Political Cat for inspiring me to write — and giving me some leads to get the scoop.


  1. Meanwhile, I read the other day that Portugal satisfies 20% of its energy needs from alternatives–wind, solar and ocean turbines–and it shooting for 100% by 2050, I believe. Portugal. Man, this empire is fading fast, no?

  2. in the pacific, they are using coconut oil as an alternative fuel: exhaust actually smells good! i live in south floriduhhhh. the streets are literally lined with coconut palms. the coconuts fall and rot away. there are so many possibilities, but the oil companies don’t want alternative fuels.

  3. re:>>Americans love short term fixesSpeaking of the short term, to me, the biggest flaw of modern-day American capitalism is that it focuses solely on the short term.American corporations only focus on how much they can earn the next fiscal quarter.Meanwhile, corporations in Europe and East Asia take a long-term view of the future.It’s one reason why the U.S. model of capitalism is headed for extinction.The only reason it’s not extinct already is the mirage of “prosperity” that the U.S. currently enjoys, thanks to the hundreds of billions of dollars in foreign capital that is propping up our dollar and the U.S. economy.

  4. Pretty soon it will be cheaper to run a car on cocaine. Make your own jokes on that one.

  5. Hi Cap;Your assessment is true. Canada is the largest exporter to the US, and that is from crude extracted from tar sands, a costly, energy consuming way of getting it. The wells in Alberta are going dry, 40% reduced capacity since 1996.We have one thing OPEC and other nations don’t have in abundance, food and fresh water.As we wean ourselves from fossil fuels over the next two decades, the food and water will be what gives North America some clout with the World economy, provided we don’t allow those industries to wither and die.

  6. Bush knows we will never get away from oiland so does Big Oil. Putting greedy oilmen in charge of the government is cause for disaster, and no amount of drilling will bring prices down.The cancer has taken hold and has spread.

  7. I once thought we got the largest amount of oil from the Saudis too.It was a revelation to learn that Canada and Mexico — neighbors we share a border with, are the number #1 and number #2 oil suppliers to the USA.Bush has no influence in Saudi Arabia (remember when he groveled before Prince Bandar?) but this sorry, chumpass motherfucker doesn’t even have influence with Canada and Mexico.Amazing.

  8. Screw you all, I’m not worried. I’m going to go plant some trees and wait for it to turn into oil. Then who’ll have the last laugh? Come on, saplings, hurry up.

  9. Yet another excellent article. It still boggles my mind that I’m seeing all these huge ass SUVs around and the owners still have the gall to complain about how much it costs to drive the damn thing. I guess having a small dick comes with a high price, no?@ Randall lol.

  10. one “l”

  11. Thank you. Excellent, informative

  12. Great piece, DCap. I was hearing just this morning that the PA gov is backing a big grants/loans program to PA’sylvanians to buy solar panels, etc. to power their homes. Wish that were a national priority.

  13. Nice job DCap. And you know what, where some will call it “sacrifice” it actually turns out that there are some fringe benefits. I switched to taking the bus to work about 5 years ago, and have LOVED it! I just hate driving in traffic, and never have to do it anymore.Plus the two of us turned into a one vehicle family ’bout the same time and in all of 2007, we racked-up a total of 5700 miles; including a round trip from Denver to Lincoln, NE and a couple trips from Denver to Grand Junction to see the folks. All that gas money we didn’t spend bought me this nifty new computer.I just don’t even think of it as sacrifice at all.

  14. demeur, I love this idea. A snort starting car. I can’t wait to have a car that has a nose as a hood ornament.DCap, I admit it, I still don’t get it. I don’t get how producing something that we KNOW is going to run out is the answer. The definition of insane is to repeat an action and expect a different result.But using common sense automatically disqualifies me for public office so someone else will have to save the world.Peace, love and good happiness

  15. You wrote everything I have been thinking recently and you wrote it so righteously! Why isn’t every home and every building sporting solar panels? Why aren’t we driving electric cars? Why aren’t we investing in green technology to begin to heal this planet and make it an inviting and livable space? Did we, as a society, get hit with the stupid stick one too many times?

  16. It’s the occupation in Iraq. That’s what started the increases and that’s why it will continue. Until all the infidels are removed from the middle east so they can have their war with Iran oil will continue to climb. That’s the message they send and it’s a strong one.

  17. Good Stuff….again.

  18. Man DCap – You sure know how to blow people away with the facts. I’m thinking it may be time to scrap my oil burner and have the family huddle around the stove on really cold nights. It’s either that or hope for more mild winters.

  19. I think that increased demand theory is bullshit.It’s not like everyone in China and India just started driving cars in the last few years.Nope, I think it’s much simpler than that.Saudi Arabia staked that imbecile Bush when he started Arbusto Oil, and now it’s payback time.When OPEC owns the U.S. President, this is what happens.

  20. One thing, Dcap: the fall in the value of the dollar plays a direct role in this situation, too.A stronger exchange rate would immediately result in a lower price. And it is something we might be able to do, without drilling anywhere. Anyone who tells you that deficits and tax policy doesn’t tree has not been paying attention.Regards,Tengrain

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: