Posted by: distributorcap | October 28, 2008

Oh the horror!

There is a new girl at Wasilla High School (Go Elephants!) – Sarrie White. The other girls (the “Pink Elephants”) really hate her and mock her all the time.

In the shower during gym, Sarrie gets a visit from her “friend Auntie Flo” for the first time.

The elephants, who already consider Sarrie an outcast, tease her by throwing tampons at her.

“plug it up, plug it up”

The gym teacher, Miss Impaler arrives and comforts Sarrie.

She sends Sarrie home. Her mother, Mrs. Elisabeth White is an insane survivor fanatic, who constantly warns her daughter to stay away from Rosie O’Donnell.

Mrs White: I can see your dirty pillows
Sarrie: They’re called breasts mama, they’re called breasts, and every girl has them.”

Josephine Lieberman feels bad about what happened. She convinces her boyfriend MacPow to take Sarrie to the prom.

MacPow, against his better judgement asks Sarrie.

Sarrie is surprised and suspicious at first, but she realizes this is her chance to escape Wasilla High. Mean Pink Elephant girls Adamsapple and Maliciouskin decide to get revenge.

With a couple of friends in tow, they go to the Northern Exposure set and get some moose blood.

The night of the prom arrives and everyone is dancing.

Sarrie did not make her own dress, but bought it at Neiman Marcus.

When it is time to pick the king and the Veep, unbeknownst to most of the voting population, the ballots have been rigged in order to get MacPow and Sarrie to the throne. But there is trouble above.

As Sarrie accepts the crown, a bucket of moose blood is dropped on her head.

There is a hushed silence in the crowd. Pissed, Carrie looks out at the students and faculty only to see them laughing at her.

“They’re all gonna laugh at you, they’re all gonna laugh at you.”

She becomes vengeful and uses her powers to lock the school doors and start an electrical fire.

Everyone manages to escape, but are turned into Democrats. Even Babs the Impaler joins the Hillary Clinton fan club. Carrie walks out of the school and goes home.

When she sees her mother, she tells her that she was right – that they all laughed at her. As they are praying together, Mrs. White produces an enormous carving knife and tells Sarrie that she must pay for her sins with her life.

Sarrie is stabbed, but is able turn her mother into a very large pin cushion.

Josephine has a lot of guilt. She places bouquet of flowers on Sarrie’s grave,

when suddenly Sarrie’s hand reaches out and grabs her. “Is it 2012 yet – I am coming back – you betcha.”

What a horror show!


Responses

  1. Hey Cap;I would have to say you are a little crazy and funny 🙂

  2. you’re a sick bastard, dcAp. i like that about you.

  3. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!Now I’m really scared …

  4. You are a funny man… who clearly has a fair amount of time on his hands 😉

  5. I have absolutely no doubt that McCandy is coming back in 2012 and 2016.In her, the GOP sees a young standard bearer who is vehemently antigay, anti-Roe and a radical, rightwing Bible thumper.She appeals to the base and fringe.In fact, I get the impression that Sarah “pray away the gay” Palin, has all but written off 2008 and is looking ahead to the next election cycle. In the meantime, my prediction is, McCandy will get her own TV program on FIXED Noise where she will bid her time until 2012.

  6. Your talents are many dear DCap. This is at once sick and hilarious, a delicious combination in my mind.

  7. Hahahahaaaaaaha!!Too funnyhaha

  8. You really need to open your own movie theatre. You’d make….a killing.

  9. Oooooh…sicky!Loved it.

  10. I think I just heard Stephen King scream.No, really. He lives about 40 miles from here.That makes me an expert on scary books.Because we see the Kings at the grocery store. Like seeing Russia from her house.Riiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhttttt.

  11. Horrific! Nice job DCap.Actually, I was hiding under my bed the moment I saw Coulter and Malkin together. Eek!

  12. I think she is done.Toast. Soon to be Trivial Pursuit answer. Flash in the Pan. A real McDonalds Happy Meal, without the toy and only half the taste.Yah, she may come ‘back’ in 2012 or 2016……but Harold Stassen used to run every four years, too, and it didn’t do him any good.Watch for Sarah to pitch Revlon products after she is defeated in the next AK Guv race.

  13. You betcha!

  14. Brilliant!

  15. AAAAAAAAAGHGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!*faints*

  16. Awsome work! Ha ha ha haaaa! That had to take awhile. You’re amazing!

  17. If it wasn’t for you and Watertiger I’d be totally depressed.

  18. Now I’m scared. Is there popcorn with that?

  19. What Okjimm said. Diva, will you pass the popcorn, please?

  20. I think my comment was eaten. Sorry if it doubles….but DC you are demented! I can’t stop laughing at this one!

  21. Perfect for Halloween.

  22. thanks for all of you for coming to the movies —– now wait for the Sequel — Sarrie the Rage 2

  23. ***Blood Curdling *S*C*R*E*A*M****

  24. Laughing my ever-lovin ass off DCap!!!!!!You da man dude…you DA MAN!

  25. oh…I have a much better pic of Josephine Liebermann, will email it to ya. 😉

  26. I can just see the Prequel. “Babs the Impaler- Revenge of the Seriously Conflicted, Homophobic Gym Teacher.”

  27. Well done, Dcap.;>)


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