Posted by: distributorcap | March 2, 2010

The Perfect Game

In baseball, a perfect game is defined when a baseball pitcher goes an entire 9-inning game without letting any player from the opposing team to reach base (there are 8 ways to reach base). It is one of the most remarkable feats in all of sports. Not only does the pitcher have to prevent any player from leaving home plate, he is also at the mercy of his teammates to not screw up and make an error.

Since 1900 there are have been 16 perfect games. The last one was when Mark Buehrle of the Chicago White Sox beat the Tampa Bay Rays on July 23, 2009. Don Larsen of the Yankees threw the 4th perfect game of the modern era in the 1956 World Series against the Brooklyn Dodgers. The next (and 5th) perfect game came 8 years later on June 21, 1964 against the New York Mets at (the now-destroyed) Shea Stadium.

That pitcher – the one and only Senator Jim Bunning of Kentucky. From that point on, Jim Bunning entered the annals (or should I say in his case the anus) of sports history as a hero. He was an excellent pitcher (when he retired in 1971 his W-L record was 224-184, with 2855 strikeouts, 7 All-Star appearances and 2 no-hitters).

All these ‘heroics’ of course qualified Jim Bunning for government (if bad actor Ronald Reagan could be President, why couldn’t a winning pitcher be an elected official)? After successful runs for local offices in Kentucky, Bunning was elected to the House of Representatives in 1986 and the US Senate in 1998. In 2009, Jim Bunning thankfully announced he will not seek a 3rd term.

While chewing tobacco and throwing no-hitters make for a great day at the ballpark, in the case of the Bunning they have proven to be qualities that have made him among the worst senators currently serving in Congress. When elected in ’98, President Bill Clinton said in an interview that Bunning, a former baseball player, was so mean-spirited that he “repulsed even his fellow know-nothings. I tried to work with him a couple times,” said Clinton, “and he just sent shivers up my spine.” During his 2004 re-election, Bunning’s mental health was questioned several times. In October, 2004 Bunning told reporters “Let me explain something: I don’t watch the national news, and I don’t read the paper. I haven’t done that for the last six weeks. I watch Fox News to get my information.”

Here are some other curve balls from the this “hero” to kids in the 60s:

  • In Feb 2009 Bunning predicted that Justice Ginsburg would be dead from pancreatic cancer withing 9 months (she is still alive, a year later). In his written apology, he spelled Ginsburg’s name wrong twice.
  • Bunning thinks all illegal immigrant should be deported.
  • Bunning missed 21 votes in December 2009, more votes than 92-year wheelchaired-bound Robert Byrd missed.
  • Bunning has broken a cardinal rule of the GOP (don’t speak ill of any Republicans) and has called his co-Kentucky Senator, Mitch McConnell – a control freak and says the Republican party is doing everything to stop him from fund raising and running.
  • Bunning threw John Karl of ABC out of an elevator, stating “this is a Senator’s-only elevator.”

Today, this insane piece of human flotsam from Kentucky again held up the extension of unemployment benefits and COBRA subsidies for the out-of-work (he stopped the bill last Friday just as the law expired). Bunning claims he is acting on conscious and out of fiscal responsibility – he doesn’t want to increase the deficit by funding unemployment and COBRA. These bills, he states, should be pay as you go.

Problem is Jim Bunning is throwing the Senate the ultimate spitball. Bunning is not blocking this bill due to his overwhelming sense of fiscal responsibility, Bunning is blocking the bill because he can. Because this poor little pitcher is not the lead off guy in the rotation anymore, he is going to make life as uncomfortable for as many people as he can. This is mean-spiritedness in its most obvious and callous form.

Fiscal responsibility? – it is quite apparent Bunning wouldn’t know fiscal responsibility from a the infield fly rule. This poor excuse for a Senator and even worse excuse for a human did manage to vote to fund George Bush’s war via the Visa/Mastercard and had no problem with the trillions in debt that debacle created. But helping people who have been tossed out of work due to the greed of Wall Street and irresponsibility of policies like the Bush tax cuts and Iraq War – well they can go f*** themselves. This is the health care debate moved into the world of unemployment.

As of today, thousands began losing benefits, and workers on a Federally funded highway project – well they are out of luck (and jobs) too, as their funding was tied to this bill. Even when this is passed – it is going to cost millions to retroactively pay people and get the programs back running. How does one Senator get so much power over so many of millions of people? I guess Senator Bunning is not the George Bush compassionate-conservative type.

Bunning also said last Friday that all this unemployment nonsense made him miss the Kentucky-South Carolina (another state run by idiots) basketball game.

Not only did Bunning just balk, proving to be a major asshole in a legislative body filled with Klingons flying around the GOP Uranus, he is also the biggest hypocrite around. If Jim Bunning was truly voting his conscious – why wasn’t he doing it for the past 24 years? You mean that votes like this might not have gotten poor Jimmy re-elected in the past and all it takes is a retirement announcement to prove you really have morals? As sure as the sun rises in the East and Joe Lieberman is a creep, Jim Bunning would never have voted to block this bill if he was running this year. So for Senator Bunning – the truth has set him free. Free to block help for the unemployed, free the give the finger to reporters, free to tell a fellow Senator tough shit and free to prove that a perfect game is definitely not a qualification to be the perfect Senator – just the perfect asshole.

I think not only is time for Bunning to go, it is also time to re-define hero. Having perfect-game Jim Bunning as a hero is like having some sort of bad combination of Genghis Khan, Marie Antoinette and Erich Honecker as idols.

PS – Senator John Kyl of Arizone, another looney tune asswipe who makes Bunning look downright normal – said unemployment insurance make people not want to work. You know – the old Welfare Queens driving Cadillacs line, only now in 2010 it seems that people are running to tanning parlors and Neiman Marcus with their ‘generous’ $400/ week government handouts. (Last time I checked we all have been paying Unemployment insurance.)

The saddest part of this all is that people will still vote for douchebags like Kyl and Bunning because they are men of god and will not take away their guns or force health care down their throats. But shoes for your kids and food on table – you are on your own.



  1. I knew you'd be back and, pardoning the awful pun, you hit this one out of the park.Great to have you in this space again, with your searing, funny and acerbic commentary.

  2. Yay! You're back.They all come back.Rgds,TG

  3. I too thought for sure you would be back…that you indeed needed a break from the pain…the angst…the mess of our times….and this post shows your wisdom…your insights…these are gifts…and when you write with such honesty and such courage…I sit here nodding…and think….we need you …speaking Truth to power and making us think..long and hard…and ask harder questions…but I also know coming back is never easy..thank you for being brave..and having courage to come back..and say what needs to be said… we are honored and grateful…

  4. CappyWe've not met but I had just started tuning in when you had your break. I'm looking forward to reading more of your post. Good luck

  5. Yay dcap. This is perfect. I've been trying to think of something to say about Bunning, but this is it. May I repost at AWOP?

  6. I didn't realize that he was such an ass. I knew he was pretty crappy, but this is amazing!Welcome back, it is great to see you out here again.

  7. Bunning is such a douche nozzle and sadly he is very proud of being one. Morally, he is bankrupt, Bunning, Kyl and Armey are cut from the same cloth. Sick bastards need a taste of their own medicine. So glad to see you back writing DCap. 😉 Very few speak truth to power like you dear friend.

  8. all of you – thanks! you are too kind i needed a break – i could not continue to be so angry all the time. nunzia – you have free hand to use my stuff – the more who see how horrible and evil these people are, the better

  9. Glad you're back too

  10. I am glad that you are back, too. I didn't know you were gone! :o)

  11. Dcap is Back!!!!!!Hope you had a nice break. Bunning is a piece of work– and yes he gladly wielded the APPROVED stamp for war, and he is one of those kinds who later vote NO on GI bill & Vets funding. The gvmnt pisses away all kinds of funds & the extension of unemployment money, and COBRA health insurance assistance, are things people really NEED in these economic hard times– which the GOP brought us to in those 8 long years. Amazing how they forget it is the PEOPLE'S money to begin with- how it is twisted into being perceived an "entitlement" is beyond me.Bunning made a name for himself alright….it just happens to be a cuss word!

  12. Welcome back, so glad your intelligent voice is back. An island of sanity in a world gone mad!

  13. Well&stuff…. it seems you have used the time off to good advantage. Seems like a fastball strike right down the middle!

  14. Imagine my surprise to search down my blogroll and see that you were BACK!!!!!And in fine fettle.Hope you are very rested and ready to take on the mantle once again.S____________

  15. Sorry, no time to comment much. I'm off to the nail place to get my thrice weekly mani/pedi on my $297 a week.As long as I go easy on the tips, I can still buy some Lotto tickets, too.

  16. Welcome back, so glad your absence was only temporary.Excellent post summing up Bunning. I was perusing his baseball stats on wikipedia last night myself – it's a shame being a Hall of Famer doesn't translate into being a good human being or legislator. Which it sure doesn't.

  17. I knew you'd be back.You and Princess Sparkle Pony…Welcome back, babycakes.

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