Posted by: distributorcap | March 5, 2010

Forty on Fifty or Fight

In 1844 Democratic presidential candidate James K. Polk ran on a platform of taking control over the entire Oregon Territory using the famous campaign slogan, “Fifty-four Forty or Fight!” (The northern boundary of the Oregon Territory was latitude 54°40′ – which is present day British Columbia). Polk planned to go to war to claim the entire Oregon Territory for the United States. Polk ended up negotiating the northern border at 49°.

But in this case we take Polk’s slogan and bring it into the 21st century. It is now 40 on $50 or fight. Today, North Carolina Republican Representative Patrick McHenry introduced a bill to remove Ulysses Grant from the $50 bill and replace him with St. Ronald of Reagania.

This is not the first time someone has pushed to add the face of Reagan to US Currency. Back in 2008, complete douchebag Grover Norquist suggested that Ronnie should grace the $10 bill, giving Alexander Hamilton another duel loss. Several years earlier there was a push to put the sainted one on the dime, replacing Franklin Roosevelt (FDR is on the dime because of his efforts in the establishment of the March of Dimes). Both of the those proposals (thankfully) went nowhere. Even Nancy Reagan did not think much of either.

McHenry (who in another era and geography would have been a proud member of Deutsches Jungvolk) said in a letter to colleagues seeking their support “President Reagan is indisputably one of the most transformative presidents of the 20th century. Like President Roosevelt on the dime and President Kennedy on the half dollar, President Reagan deserves a place of honor on our nation’s currency.”

The only currency St. Reagania belongs with is the 800 milliamps of currency doled out of an ECT machine.

The transformation of Ronald Reagan from a horrible and idiotic president to the Grand Old Man and standard bearer of conservatism in less than 20 years is akin to the miracle of five loaves and two fish (and if you throw in some Reagan ketchup, you have your complete meal – protein, carbs and a vegetable).

As if there aren’t enough things named after the purveyor of Iran-Contra – a highway in Florida, an aircraft carrier, a major airport in Washington (considering one of Reagan’s first acts as President was to fire all the air traffic controllers to bust the PATCO union – I find that quite ironic. In addition, there is nary a sole in DC, save the Republican aristocracy, that does not still call the airport National), the 2nd largest federal office building in the country – The Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center (which ironically looks exactly like any Soviet style building dotting Warsaw, Berlin or Moscow – except costing US taxpayers $800 million) and countless streets, schools and civic buildings – the entire nation needs to be reminded constantly of the man that set us sailing on the course for disaster. As a matter of fact, there is a whole website dedicated to naming tons of shit after him.

The right sure knows how to be productive with their time. I guess if you aren’t going to help the needy or spend money on assisting those who cannot find a job – why not spend it on renaming parks, buildings and sewage plants after Mr. Never-mentioned-AIDS-until-it-was-too-late.

I have a great idea, why don’t we change ALL our currency to represent failed, incompetent and awful Presidents. After all the way things are going now (from both parties), we just might be a failed country in no time. Here is a suggested list:

  • $1 = James Buchanan
  • $5 = Herbert Hoover
  • $10 = Franklin Pierce
  • $20 = Warren Harding
  • $50 = Ronald Reagan
  • $100 = Richard Nixon
  • $3 = W. (you wouldn’t think I would put Bush on normal currency).

While St. Ronnie rides high in the minds of many Americans right now (the liberal media like Fox has spent a considerable amount of time and energy revising history) – one can only hope that sometime in the future this country will see just how incredibly horrendous he was. It is bad enough that our great-great-great grandkids (the ones that will survive climate change) will have to read about him – but the thought of Ronnie stuffed under the mattress of countless Americans while they are having sex, well that ….

Personally I think Reagan should be on the trillion dollar bill. First of all it will put him among the class of people he only ever cared about. Second of all it will honor him for the thing he did best – put this country into trillions of dollars of debt. Third – since it is only a matter of time before we will need a wheel barrel filled with money to buy bread, it seems appropriate to stuff it with $1,000,000,000,000 Ronnies. Then you will have the miracle of the seven loaves.



  1. E,Remember about a decade ago, some Oklahoma lawmaker came up with this lunatic idea to add St. Reagan's monkey mug to Mt. Rushmore?Mt. Rush is maintained by the National Parks Department and the idea went over like a fart in church and naturally, died an early death.But here we go again.Naming shit after one of the worst presidents in history, a man who accomplished little, unless debt and stupidity is something we elevate to "sainthood" stature.My personal belief is, naming the $50 after St. Reagan is something they want to do while Witchcraft Nancy is still alive. Nancy "Mommy" Reagan is old now — really old, and unless she has access to the elixir keeping Poppy and Babs Bush alive all these centuries, probably won't be here in 5 more years, so there's a sense of urgency.

  2. What a Capitol idea!

  3. Reagan is the first Sarah Palin – a rather stupid sockpuppet. He cut taxes and then raised them. He contributed nothing toward the fall of the Soviet Union, which started to necrotize under Brezhnev and was put out of its misery by Gorbachev. He weakened America through skyrocketing deficits and, most importantly, through chucking the conservation measures put in place under Carter and telling everyone to go buy pickup trucks and SUVs thus sealing our dependence on oil (and Arab States) for decades to come.Everything they say about him is a lie. Nothing is true. It's like living Oppositeville. I hate the man.

  4. CappyFunny thing about the Right,they rewrite history so much and often they begin to believe the murk. Karl Rove is a prime example. Less we forget the masses bless their hearts.They can't remember just last year and how bad things were. Revisionist History! As far as Ronnie goes, I remember the bastard tapping into Social Security funds in order to cover up for his Voodoo Economics.

  5. Monty Burns lost the trillion dollar bill to Cuba years ago.I'd have no problem with the Saint on the $50 as long he was pictured with Bonzo.

  6. It's bad enough putting politicians' faces on money. Why not just be honest and make them "Citi-Bucks", "Goldman Sachs Sawbucks", "Pharma Finbacks", "Blue Cross Bigbucks", and "Exxon Samolians".

  7. instead of putting st. ronnie on the trillion dollar bill, why don't the chinese put him on the yuan? it's because of him and his policies that we owe them so much money.

  8. I say we put him on the dollar coin. Then he can keep company with the Susan Bs stored in a vault in San Francisco. Out of sight out of mind.

  9. Just a false prophet. Nothing to see here. Keep moving along.

  10. Good post. The larger point is why, now, they would waste ANY time on anything as trivial as changing the face on currency…. anyone's face! (let alone Reagan). The needs of the country in so many areas is so pressing…. to hear of this being discussed is akin to watching the distinguished NC Representative jerk-off. Gimmee a break!!! The second point is the additional cost….. we just don't need it. Plus the cost in the private sector of getting vending machines to 'read' the new money. I be seeing Mega-Millions being pissed away here….. for nothing!!!

  11. Oh fer God's sake.If they put Reagan on any denominator of U.S. currency, I'll have a special rubber stamp made that changes his face to Bonzo the Chimp's.Oh, and the three dollar bill should bear the likeness of Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Rick Perry, Charlie Crist, or any other closeted Republican homo we can name.

  12. I see you want to put a phony "president" on phony currency. Makes sense to me.

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