Posted by: distributorcap | May 30, 2010

When Oil & Water Collide

When Oil & Water Collide Synopsis

Chayknee holds a secret meeting of energy executives to discuss how to get rich. They decide to allow oil drilling anywhere and everywhere, and not one oil company has to follow any safety or environmental rules. After all, Dick is the boss of energy.

15 months after raking in the dough, the Lynne Horizon – owned by Transocean, built by Dickiburton and run by BP explodes, sending billions of barrels of oil a day into the Gulf of Mexico.

While rationale, sane and concerned people have been warning for years that offshore drilling and our addiction to oil would cause irreparable harm, the GOP (who secretly run the world), led by Limbaw, feels no remorse for this disaster. They have Plan B.

Limbaw knows Chayknee, with his military connections, can get a shuttle from NASA on the cheap. Chayknee can then get Dickiburton to refurbish. They can take a select few to the planet Petrola, a world that will pass close to Earth and save themselves from growing ooze. Limbaw insists Saralin be brought along to help re-populate the world in the image of the GOP.

While the shuttle is undergoing redesign, Limbaw realizes the world is getting more polluted and he needs to build a wall to keep out the masses of unwanteds. It is a race against time as oil seeps ashore, food becomes scarce, crowds riot and ultimately martial law is declared.

As the day of final doom approaches, the ship is loaded with food, viagra, oxycotin, money, and Cuban cigars. The passengers are personally selected by Limbaw. When Coultergeist announces she won’t go without Boosh, Limbaw throws her off the ship.

Shortly before the planned takeoff, the oil finally consumes all the land and the masses begin to riot. Chayknee takes out his gun and shoots as many people as he can in the face. The ship blasts off, with 100 of the most important and richest GOP on the planet.

From space, the ship’s television monitor shows Earth’s being consumed with oil. Limbaw begins to set the course of the ship for Petrola. Limbaw, ever the scientist, realizes there is too much weight on the ship for a safe landing. Fearing Chayknee will be his rival on the new planet, he pumps several drinks into Chayknee knowing he will have to pee before landing. When Chayknee finally gets a full bladder and heads to the portal-john, Limbaw opens the portal into space, sucking out Chayknee. The ship can land with the proper weight.

As Limbaw and Saralin exit the ship, they see this new planet is going to be very hospitable to the GOP.

Here is the trailer for When Oil & Water Collide

The final scene – when Limbaw and Saralin see the planet is going to make a perfect home for them.

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Responses

  1. Brilliant DC. Isn't it amazing how Halliburton took over cementing wells in the Gulf right after Cheney let Big Oil rewrite the proposed MMS regs?

  2. Skullduggery bastards at their finest.

  3. I think Distributor Crap is a funnier name Nice rework!WB7

  4. CappyThat's enough to give me nightmares.Thank the stars you hadn't thought of soylent green… Now imagine weird space music in the background..Eweeeew;)

  5. wait until they find out that once there is nobody to hate, limbaw and saralin will have no power whatsoever.

  6. I laughed, I cried, and I puked when I realized Limbaw's mind works along those lines.

  7. When the going gets tough, Dick Cheney goes to ground. Remember Beany and Cecil? Every time they ran into a problem, Captain Huffnpuff grinned and said "I'm going below." That's our man Dick.

  8. I used to like cheap B rated sci fi films, but can I pass on this one?Insert blood curdling scream here!**runs away**

  9. "Limbaw insists Saralin be brought along to help re-populate the world in the image of the GOP."Eeeww. Together? That would make for some real sci fi.What an imagination you have. Maybe a little too close to reality for comfort, but still good.


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