Posted by: distributorcap | July 20, 2010

Brush Up Your Shakespeare

Sarah Palin: Shakespearean comedy or tragedy?

I’m hoping it ends as a tragedy. Like so many of Shakespeare’s characters, Palin has a fatal flaw – unending sense of self importance and arrogance.

Refudiate (re-fu-dee-ate), the process of selecting a C-student, who cannot name a Supreme Court case, who went to 5 colleges, who thinks there is a Federal Department of Law, who cannot finish the job she was elected to do, and who sees Vladimir Putin’s head flying over Alaska, to a position of governing of 300,000,000 suckers.

So Sarah tweets that if Bill Shakespeare can make up words, so can she. Well little does Sarah know that the Bard himself wrote several characters with Sarah Palin in mind

Falstaff (Henry IV Part 1, Henry IV Part 2, The Merry Wives of Windsor)

Palinstaff is a likable character of ill repute. She is a phony, a thief, and a liar, but somehow, some people just love her. She is humorous, jovial, childish, and a free spirit. But ah, there is a downside to this behavior – it becomes so abhorrent that she is rejected. Palinstaff misuses funds and is ultimately a coward in the field.

“I have a kind of alacrity in sinking.”

Polonius (Hamlet)

Palinius is a windbag and rambler. She pays way too much time and attention to appearances and ceremonious behavior. She is wrong in all her judgments and is a “tedious old fool.”

“Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t.”

Lady Macbeth (MacBeth)

Lady SaraBeth suppresses her instincts toward compassion, motherhood, and fragility and anything associated with femininity — in favor of ambition, ruthlessness and power.

“The raven himself is hoarse
That croaks the fatal entrance of Duncan
Under my battlements. Come, you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here,
And fill me from the crown to the toe topful
Of direst cruelty!”

[author’s note: unsexing Lady SaraBeth would have dire consequences for the old white rulers of the Party.]

Iago (Othello)

Palinago is one of the most sinister characters in all of Shakespeare. There is a lot of trust placed in her, which she betrays while maintaining a reputation of honesty and dedication. She is an evil schemer and manipulator, displaying deft skills at deceiving other people. Palinago is so cunning, that not only do they not suspect her, but they count on her as the person most likely to be truthful.

“And what’s he then, that says I play the villain, when this advice is free I give, and honest.”

Malvolio (Twelfth Night)

Palinvolio is puritanical. She despises all manner of fun and games, and wishes the world to be completely free of sin. She behaves very foolishly and proves to be a hypocrite when she fantasizes about luxuriating on a day-bed while wearing a “branched velvet gown.”

“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.”

[author’s note – the only thing great about Palin is the great big hole in her heart and brain]

Dogberry (Much Ado About Nothing)

When describing anything, Palinberry likes to say it in various ways, often as a mis-ordered numbered list. “Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.” When insulted she is very malicious and wants it to get recorded so she can prove she is being attacked. When Palinberry is called an “ass,” she says:

“O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass…O that I had been writ down an ass!”

[author’s note: Sarah Palin is an ass, and there is nothing comical about her.]



  1. I was thinking she was more like that obscure Shakespeare character Nauseous.

  2. Dear Sarah…"I Didn't really Say Everything I Said."Yogi BerraAs a New Yorker, I am painfully inescapable of formaldyhyding my own chowder on the dodgy subtext of whether it is "to be or not to be" a Republicamended idea to erupt a Mosque near to the real estate development slight otherwise known in disturbative circles as Ground Spiro.Enter Sarah Paleolithic…that irrefudably rapacious Wassilian twintellectable…Or in the words of William Shakes Beer, that droning common kissing political canker blossom, that unmuzzled tickle-brained intellectual strumpet, that mammering clay-brained pidgin winger, that saucy fool born conservative clack dish and infectious dizzy eyed Tea party wagtail.This week the Queen of Beans has been busting her strump verbally mutating about Mosques in New York City. It was a free country, so she can say whatever she wants.Me, I'll think of the otherwise words of famous infectious  New Yorkers such as Yoggi Berra who once famously said: You can take the politician out of the camouflaged underwear, but you can't take the camouflaged underwear out of the Politician.  As another famous immigrant of Queens, Archie Bankster, who once said malpropriately:I ain't a man of carnival instinctuals like you.You see Sarah, we New Yorkers are actually inescapable of inebriating our own onions on matters of prostate significance and we'd depreciate it if you would cease with your gratudinously cleavage seductions….To regurgitate the words of another fine New Yorker:"Shut your pinhole!"  Eastman KodakYours Sincerely,WilliamBanzaiShakespeere      

  3. D-Cap, once again you've drawn from your encyclopedic wealth of knowledge to explain the Palin phenomenon.I was thoroughly entertained.:)

  4. You all stop this! She is Juliet, and I am Romeo! Sincerely,Glenn America's Foremost Performance Artist Beck.

  5. She has no bottom…Your definition is a little unfair because you didn't credit her reading list of newspapers and periodicals: "All of them."

  6. you'll be hearing from princess's reps at any moment now, accusing you of defaming of the shrew.

  7. I had to begin holding my sides after the second paragraph and haven't stopped laughing yet. What a brilliant piece of writing. I particularly like "unsexing Lady SaraBeth would have dire consequences for the old white rulers of the Party." You betcha!

  8. Brilliant! Simply brilliant…and refudiatingly eloquent!

  9. Oftentimes excusing of a faultDoth make the fault the worse by the excuse.WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, King JohnLife's but a walking shadow, a poor playerThat struts and frets his hour upon the stageAnd then is heard no more: it is a taleTold by an idiot, full of sound and fury,Signifying nothing.WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, MacbethHey! I can't compete with the master wordsmith. Once again– if Palin goes off script, she's in trouble, methinks.

  10. Life's but a walking player…My favorite verse in all of Shakespeare. Orson Welles delivers it chillingly in his admittedly flawed film version of Macbeth. I saw Patrick Stewart as Macbeth on stage a few years back. Brilliant.

  11. Lady felonious hath beckon thy Becker and whilst weathering thy storms of jubilant display of discerning truth thou has gotten a bit of gaseous bloat. excuse me…….

  12. Your post is both tragic and comic. Most Shakespearian!

  13. "Sometime Sarah driveth a snow machine o’er a soldier’s neck,And then dreams she of cutting Russian throats,Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish refudiations,Of health cares and oil wells five-fathoms deep; and then anonDrums in her ear, at which she starts and wakes,And forsooth, she sayeth voting for her as The President of the Lower '48 and Alaska is really the thing, whereas she'll catch the conscience of the tea baggers."-Levi Montague and Bristol Capulet. ACT I Scene 4.

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